#117 – Just Gotta Keep On

I woke up this morning with no thoughts about doing a post, let alone one as personal as this one, I was planning on taking a day to just do other things, but as I embarked on my morning routine of coffee and Facebook, I was struck by a post from a friend, that inspired me to want to write today.

” Why is it when I just think I got everything going for me I get the dark moment feeling? ”

I will note that said friend was also sure to add to that post that they were “okay”, it was just a moment. For anyone who has ever had any dealings with depression, or loved ones with depression, know how important that addendum to a posting like that really is.

Having depression is quite different from being depressed. Trying to explain the difference is like trying to explain what living through a tornado is like to someone who has only ever experienced at worst a hurricane, but most only know what a really windy day is like.

They know what a tornado is like because they saw one on TV, on the weather channel or some Hollywood blockbuster. As we all know, seeing anything from the safety of a livingroom or movie theater may give you an idea of what it looks like, but not a true understanding of what it is like to live it.

Having depression is like living in tornado alley. You live everyday knowing that it is there, lurking. You have some really awesome days, great weather sunshine and birds chirping , and life goes on “as normal” for any length of time, it varies.

Then one day the clouds move in, the clouds block out the sun and you hold your breath and wait. You watch the skies, while still going about your day to day life, but you are on edge because you keep watching those clouds for any sign of rotation.

Most times, if we are lucky, the clouds part and the sun comes back leaving us with just a ‘moment’ of overcast weather that we come through without any damage.

Other times, we go to bed after having one of the best days of our lives only to be woken in the dead of night by the loudest tornado sirens that could wake the dead. With no warning, no partly cloudy skies to have been seen, and in that moment, it is already there.

Those of us who have been to therapy have the advantage that we have our emergency plans, if we are not already too panicked to utilize them. We have emergency supplies ( medications or behavior therapies ), storm shelters ( save people to reach out to ) and experience.

Being able to navigate tornado alley and survive, comes with time and experience. The more storms we make it through, the more we learn about ourselves and the warning signs that are more personal to us to identify in the clouds.

The thing with tornados is that even the most experienced tornado hunter will tell you, they are unpredictable. You can know every sign and every signal and still have no idea which way that funnel is going to turn, or where or when it is going to set down. You just have to keep on surviving.

I added a song by Sasha Sloan to this post today because it is one of those songs that I play on a loop at times to remind myself …

Every time I run away
It catches up somehow
But I’ve been learning what to say
So I talk myself down
‘Cause right now

The walls are starting to cave in
Sometimes, I wish I was somebody else
When my mind starts misbehaving
Is when I tell myself

Okay, baby, you’ll be okay
You just gotta keep, gotta keep on
You just gotta keep on

Rolling even on the bad days
You just gotta keep, gotta keep on
You just gotta keep on
You just gotta keep on breathing

Even when your lungs have run out of air
Okay, baby you’ll be okay
You just gotta keep, gotta keep on

~ LOCATION ~

MINIMAL – Soho Build -no snow-
Cheeky Pea – Allison Floor Frames
Cinphul – Brooding Curtains [dank] 1
Cinphul – Brooding Curtains [dank] 3
Cinphul – Lavande
Cinphul – ASBMF [Milk Can 2]
Cinphul – Framed Ivy

~ POSE ~

Synnergy – Emotions – 3

~ WORN ~

Body : Legacy Body – Female
Head : Catwa – Catya
Skin : DeeTaleZ – Heidi – Eastern
Cleavage : The Skinnery – Cleavage – SideSet – Toffee
Hair : Truth – Opium
Ears : PUMEC – Wings byak – byak
Glasses : Deep Static – Oliver
Top : Cynful – On The Go – Rose
Jeans : Blueberry – Natalie – Flare Jeans
Sneakers : Reign – Arianna Sneakers
Rings : Yummy – Sorceress Ring Set
Ring : Ysoral – Luxe Wedding Ring – Jade

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