#133 – Cactus Tree
She will love them when she sees them
They will lose her if they follow
And she only means to please them
And her heart is full and hollow
Like a cactus tree
While she’s so busy being free
Those words were penned by Joni Mitchel in 1967, and much like any good melody, the message is timeless. A tale of men all in love with the same woman, and she loves them all, for a time, for a moment.
She is so busy being free, doing her own thing, while still enjoying the intimacy that comes with the occasional companionship that lovers bring.
I think I fall in love with this song every time I hear it because it reminds me of Prin in so many ways, and perhaps myself too.
We get so used to taking care of ourselves that relationships can seem restrictive and suffocating after a time, often times far more quickly than we like to admit.
I write all of this now, less than a week from when I will virtually marry a man who in the 4 years I have known him, has always been right there, never more than a click or a breath away. He often times knew what I was thinking before even I did, he can feel me from thousands of miles away, and is so close I can almost feel him under my skin. Yet, I do not feel confined, or claustrophobic.
There is a freedom in being loved without restriction.
There is also fear in being loved in the way you always wished you could be. A fear that the tendencies of your behaviors and patterns will make even the most forgiving partner wary. Fear that once you say those words, those two little words, that somehow everything will change. Even if there is no reason it should.
I would be lying if I said I didn’t have moments of those fears, flickers of doubt that have no bearing in anything reality has proven time and time again. I also know that I will be saying those words, because I have faith, and love, and trust that I can go to Him if I ever start to feel these things and He will welcome the conversation and fear openly, rationally and we will tackle it together.
My heart is full, but maybe not as hollow as it once was…
~ POSE ~
BellePoses – Yang – 1
~ WORN ~
Body : Legacy Body – Female
Head : LOGO – Josie Head @ Skin Fair
Skin : The Skinnery – Anne – Toffee
Freckles : Mila – Summer Freckles – Omega
Hair : BESOM HAIR – Payson
Glasses : Deep Static : Tracy Glasses
Choker : Cae – Protected
Piercing : Supernatural – Drih Chest Piercing @ Unik
Top : Blueberry – Reachless Denim Jacket
Jeans : Blueberry – Natalia
Shoes : Blueberry – Power Play
Rings : Yummy – Sorceress Ring Set
Nails : RatzCatz – Bento FingerNails